I'M MERYL FUCKING STREEP

I JUST WON THE OSCAR FOR PRESENTING THE OSCAR TO DANIEL DAY...

Sun, 24 Feb 2013 23:49:26 -0500

I JUST WON THE OSCAR FOR PRESENTING THE OSCAR TO DANIEL DAY LEWIS

CLOONEY LOOKS LIKE SHIT SUCK IT CLOONEY

Sun, 24 Feb 2013 21:18:14 -0500

CLOONEY LOOKS LIKE SHIT SUCK IT CLOONEY

Makin a kickstarter for my new film and smokin a j this movie is...

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 14:21:00 -0500

Makin a kickstarter for my new film and smokin a j this movie is gonna be huge, its already nominated for Oscars #art

now I’m chill with gingers I’m chill with Tilda we...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 14:19:07 -0500

now I’m chill with gingers I’m chill with Tilda we chill but THIS BITCH AINT CHILL. JESSICA CUMSTAIN is talking shit about me tellin people i’m not even nominated for an Oscar even though i most likely am AND I HEARD SHE GOT RED PUBES FUCKIN GROSS. Oh ya and where your eyebrows at? i slashed your tires that was me btw oh and guess what this bitch drives a volvo

xoxo

meryl

fuck i dunno im probably nominated 4 some shit. i dont check...

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 19:49:23 -0500

fuck i dunno im probably nominated 4 some shit. i dont check i’m 2 busy. what movies did i even do this year? I remember fucking tommy lee jones a lot, was that this year? was I in Lincoln? who cares, IM FUCKIN NOMINATED SEE YOU SUNDAY IM ON BATH SALTS RIGHT NOW

I wan fuck matt damon but never even looks at me or knows who i...

Thu, 27 Sep 2012 19:37:00 -0400

I wan fuck matt damon but never even looks at me or knows who i am :( :( matt if u r reading i’m real tight 4 my age (if u know what I mean) (vagina) :(

SO WHAT? SOMETIMES IMMA DOG. YALL CAN HATE BUT IM 2 BUSY SHAPE...

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 16:34:22 -0400

SO WHAT? SOMETIMES IMMA DOG. YALL CAN HATE BUT IM 2 BUSY SHAPE SHIFTIN MOTHA FUCKAS. it’s chill

I’M GETTIN PAIDDDDDDD damn. I just got all this cash...

Sun, 09 Sep 2012 18:12:05 -0400

I’M GETTIN PAIDDDDDDD damn. I just got all this cash monayyy and I dont know what I’mma do with it. fuck charity mama needs a 2nd jet ski cuz mah 1st one is all ghetto now. n e 1 wanna go jet ski ing ? I keep inviting TLJ to go jet skiing and he’s always busy, man i know he ain’t busy fuck him he’s probably fuckin that fat ass wife U COULDA HAD ALL OF THIS STREEPY GOODNESS BUT U AINT HITTIN IT. no one’s hittin this lately and i dont know why :(

ok so obama loves george clooney and clooney’s goin around...

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 17:37:30 -0400

ok so obama loves george clooney and clooney’s goin around saying they r bff well i dont care fuck you clooney. clooney sniffed up obamas butt for like months and bought him all these vespas until obama was finally like OK FINE ILL HANG OUT WITU. I didn’t even answer the phone when obama first called me, i thought it was my dog walker’s son. and sometimes i still dont pick up his calls cuz im super busy but we tight.

OK LOL IT WAS AN AVOCADO BUT I FUCKED THAT AVOCADO UP AND ITS...

Fri, 10 Aug 2012 15:59:52 -0400

OK LOL IT WAS AN AVOCADO BUT I FUCKED THAT AVOCADO UP AND ITS WHOLE FAMILY AND I BETTER NEVER FUCKING SEE ITS FACE IN WESTCHESTER COUNTY AGAIN DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?

I drank a lot nd now i got the shits

Fri, 10 Aug 2012 15:51:00 -0400

I drank a lot nd now i got the shits

TLJ and I are sippin some sangria and doing poppers on my PORCH...

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 01:54:28 -0400

TLJ and I are sippin some sangria and doing poppers on my PORCH IN DA HAMPTONS holla. WE R TIRED from doing BFF STUFF all day. we played boggle nd smoked a couple bowls nd watched Seabiscuit nd i 4 real love him like he’s my only friend right now after i accidentally deleted all my contacts on my nokia phone from 2001 (HELLO IM BAD AT TECHNOLOGY WHATEVA) LOVE U TLJ U IZ MY BOO SHAWTY CALL ME. he act like he h8s me but he dont

I miss this crazy bitch we used to get so fucked up this was...

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 16:28:26 -0400

I miss this crazy bitch we used to get so fucked up

this was taken at the writers guild awards right after we shot gunned 3 beers in the parking lot . we drunk.

holla, ephron hope u smoking crazy heaven weed right now r.i.p

-meryl

fuck u, Clooney i know u did this just 2 fuck with me. so I sign...

Sat, 23 Jun 2012 16:41:07 -0400

fuck u, Clooney i know u did this just 2 fuck with me.

so I sign on to do this piece of shit movie, August Osage County, just so I can buy a couple more ‘ghini’s (thats lamborghini for u broke ass debt shit fucks) and I find out today that George Still Owes Me About 5 G’s Worth Of Yay Clooney is THE PRODUCER.

I’m so angry I literally just threw 6 segways outta my upstairs window and broke one of my maid’s legs i feel real bad about that actually

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY MOTHER FUCKERS I havnt been allowed...

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 17:19:39 -0400

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY MOTHER FUCKERS

I havnt been allowed online cuz i was at Rehab and then I was shooting some shit and then I forgot about the internet and I was sober for a while but fuck that

CUZ IM BACK AND IM FUCKED UP ON BATH SALTS AND ITS MY MOTHERFUCKIN BIRTHDAY

IMMA PUT ON MY FLOPPY HAT, WALK DOWN TO THE BEACH, SOAK UP THE SUN, AND THEN SNORT THE FUCK OUT OF THESE LAURA MERCIER BATH SALTS FUCK YOU ALL IM 63 AND WISE AS FUCK

fuck it yall mama meryl’s fuckin tired. i just wrapped...

Wed, 09 May 2012 11:38:51 -0400

fuck it yall mama meryl’s fuckin tired.

i just wrapped like 3 movies that i was doing at the same time and im ovr this shit. i’m quitting 4 real. fuck acting fuck it hard with my medium sized dildo that i named jerry. imma peace out 2 my house in brazil and straight chill 4evr

but first im picking up 40’s who wants 1?

ur not meril sheep pozer

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 17:27:19 -0400

WANNA FIGHT BITCH?

I’M REAL I AINT FRONTIN

COME OVER TO MY HOUSE IN TACONIC, CONNECTICUT AND I’LL SHOW U HOW REAL I AM. I’LL ACT THE FUCK OUTTA YO FACE

-meryl

I dont get mad at bitches. i just fuck bitches.4 real dont give...

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 02:35:14 -0400

I dont get mad at bitches. i just fuck bitches.4 real dont give a fuck. i fuck women, i fuck men, i fuck dogs, i fuck babies, it’s all chill, son. fucked tila swentin last week and she’s kinda a combination of all of those things

i just got paid like 6 mil to narrate a movie about polar bears so im straight chillin in st thomas, hit me up if ur in town

OK FUCK IT THIS IS WAR CLOONEY. I LET U INTO MY HOME AND NOW I...

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 00:54:40 -0400

OK FUCK IT THIS IS WAR CLOONEY. I LET U INTO MY HOME AND NOW I AM MISSING ALL OF MY RIGHT FOOT SHOES. JUST THE RIGHT FOOT. WHO STEALS ONLY THE RIGHT FOOT? NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, HUH? HOBBLE AROUND ON ONE FOOT. OH CLOONEY UR GONNA GET IT U THOUGHT I WAS PISSED B4 U AINT SEEN NOTHIN I SWEAR I NEVER TRUST U AGAIN

HOPE YOU DIE BY CHOKING ON A MINI HOT DOG U SICK FUCK

HOLLA FROM ESPANA. chillin with del rey We’re starting a...

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 10:07:56 -0400

HOLLA FROM ESPANA. chillin with del rey

We’re starting a band. I don’t care what u think this bitch is hot and she keeps giving me weed for free. Like she literally puts it in my mouth and won’t let me stop her it’s chill. she’s gonna sing and im gonna dance and this bitch is my new best friend, I’ve always wanted to be in a band.