I'M MERYL FUCKING STREEP

Feb 24

I JUST WON THE OSCAR FOR PRESENTING THE OSCAR TO DANIEL DAY LEWIS

I JUST WON THE OSCAR FOR PRESENTING THE OSCAR TO DANIEL DAY LEWIS

CLOONEY LOOKS LIKE SHIT SUCK IT CLOONEY

Feb 22

Makin a kickstarter for my new film and smokin a j this movie is gonna be huge, its already nominated for Oscars #art

Makin a kickstarter for my new film and smokin a j this movie is gonna be huge, its already nominated for Oscars #art

Feb 21

now I’m chill with gingers I’m chill with Tilda we chill but THIS BITCH AINT CHILL. JESSICA CUMSTAIN is talking shit about me tellin people i’m not even nominated for an Oscar even though i most likely am AND I HEARD SHE GOT RED PUBES FUCKIN GROSS.  Oh ya and where your eyebrows at? i slashed your tires that was me btw oh and guess what this bitch drives a volvo xoxo meryl

now I’m chill with gingers I’m chill with Tilda we chill but THIS BITCH AINT CHILL. JESSICA CUMSTAIN is talking shit about me tellin people i’m not even nominated for an Oscar even though i most likely am AND I HEARD SHE GOT RED PUBES FUCKIN GROSS.  Oh ya and where your eyebrows at? i slashed your tires that was me btw oh and guess what this bitch drives a volvo

xoxo

meryl

Feb 20

fuck i dunno im probably nominated 4 some shit. i dont check i’m 2 busy.  what movies did i even do this year? I remember fucking tommy lee jones a lot, was that this year? was I in Lincoln? who cares, IM FUCKIN NOMINATED SEE YOU SUNDAY IM ON BATH SALTS RIGHT NOW

fuck i dunno im probably nominated 4 some shit. i dont check i’m 2 busy.  what movies did i even do this year? I remember fucking tommy lee jones a lot, was that this year? was I in Lincoln? who cares, IM FUCKIN NOMINATED SEE YOU SUNDAY IM ON BATH SALTS RIGHT NOW

Sep 27

I wan fuck matt damon but never even looks at me or knows who i am :( :( matt if u r reading i’m real tight 4 my age (if u know what I mean) (vagina) :( 

I wan fuck matt damon but never even looks at me or knows who i am :( :( matt if u r reading i’m real tight 4 my age (if u know what I mean) (vagina) :( 

Sep 13

SO WHAT? SOMETIMES IMMA DOG.  YALL CAN HATE BUT IM 2 BUSY SHAPE SHIFTIN MOTHA FUCKAS.  it’s chill

SO WHAT? SOMETIMES IMMA DOG.  YALL CAN HATE BUT IM 2 BUSY SHAPE SHIFTIN MOTHA FUCKAS.  it’s chill

Sep 09

I’M GETTIN PAIDDDDDDD damn.  I just got all this cash monayyy and I dont know what I’mma do with it. fuck charity mama needs a 2nd jet ski cuz mah 1st one is all ghetto now.  n e 1 wanna go jet ski ing ?  I keep inviting TLJ to go jet skiing and he’s always busy, man i know he ain’t busy fuck him he’s probably fuckin that fat ass wife U COULDA HAD ALL OF THIS STREEPY GOODNESS BUT U AINT HITTIN IT. no one’s hittin this lately and i dont know why :(

I’M GETTIN PAIDDDDDDD damn.  I just got all this cash monayyy and I dont know what I’mma do with it. fuck charity mama needs a 2nd jet ski cuz mah 1st one is all ghetto now.  n e 1 wanna go jet ski ing ?  I keep inviting TLJ to go jet skiing and he’s always busy, man i know he ain’t busy fuck him he’s probably fuckin that fat ass wife U COULDA HAD ALL OF THIS STREEPY GOODNESS BUT U AINT HITTIN IT. no one’s hittin this lately and i dont know why :(

Aug 21

ok so obama loves george clooney and clooney’s goin around saying they r bff well i dont care fuck you clooney.  clooney sniffed up obamas butt for like months and bought him all these vespas until obama was finally like OK FINE ILL HANG OUT WITU.  I didn’t even answer the phone when obama first called me, i thought it was my dog walker’s son. and sometimes i still dont pick up his calls cuz im super busy but we tight. 

ok so obama loves george clooney and clooney’s goin around saying they r bff well i dont care fuck you clooney.  clooney sniffed up obamas butt for like months and bought him all these vespas until obama was finally like OK FINE ILL HANG OUT WITU.  I didn’t even answer the phone when obama first called me, i thought it was my dog walker’s son. and sometimes i still dont pick up his calls cuz im super busy but we tight. 

Aug 10

OK LOL IT WAS AN AVOCADO BUT I FUCKED THAT AVOCADO UP AND ITS WHOLE FAMILY AND I BETTER NEVER FUCKING SEE ITS FACE IN WESTCHESTER COUNTY AGAIN  DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?

OK LOL IT WAS AN AVOCADO BUT I FUCKED THAT AVOCADO UP AND ITS WHOLE FAMILY AND I BETTER NEVER FUCKING SEE ITS FACE IN WESTCHESTER COUNTY AGAIN  DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?